If you've ever had the pleasure of being a close affiliate of a black person or currently enjoy the privilege of being a black person, then you already know: BLACK FOLK'S LOVE OURSELVES SOME WHITE PARTIES!
Summer comes but only once a year and hence the opportunity to "shit on em" like extras in a Bryant McKnight video. Pick your poison:linen, cotton, silk, polyester (dare I say).
So, if you are going to wear linen, cop an iron + starch (that especially goes for my white folks, as a graduate of a PWI and an all white private high school I know that some of us have an aversion to ironing). And while we are on the subject of linen, BLACK MEN, if you're under 50 leave the straw hats and orange gators at home. No one wants to be hit on by some dude that looks like Ronald Isley.
It's pretty much all fair game @ an ALL WHITE PARTY. Well, not everything...pick your garment carefully or you could end up looking like a church usher or an extra in a wedding album. Remember, the ALL WHITE PARTY is a rite of passage on the road to becoming GROWN AND SEXY for black folk. So please, don't mess up ya' sexy by forgetting to remove the tags from your new gear (everything shows up on white).
Secondly, please make sure that your whites match! I don't care how dark it is in the club, linen shorts will never look good paired with a silk shirt (smh). Note, while you may be required to stick to an ALL WHITE dress code, feel free to add a splash of color here and there, but don't get too crazy. Oh, and if you were born with over active sweat glans, you might want to decline your invitation altogether. Ain't nobody sexy with juicy pits.
And while were on the subject of stains: CHOOSE YOUR DRINKS CAREFULLY. We know you goin' to be getting your drink on while rocking the celestial gear but steer clear of the Vodka+Cranberries, Chocolate Martinis, and the "Easy Jesus," unless you want to be turning tricks for dry cleaning bills.
I have no idea why Black folks simply adore ALL WHITE PARTIES. Perhaps we wish to formally inaugurate summer or maybe were just sucka's for irony and enjoy tempting fate by by wearing all white in the peak of BBQ season.
